So surgery is in 2 1/2 days! Perhaps I'm crazy, but I am so excited and anticipating this trial! It has helped so many other people; I can't help but hope / pray this will change my life as well! I'm a little nervous- but what do I have to lose from this? It's a big deal, but after 2 years with this pain, I welcome any possible treatments! But to the subject of today's post...
First, one of my best friends from high school days that I've known almost half of my life, JB, has made me the God-Mother of her son James today! I feel so honored & it makes me want my own children even more. I already have a niece, another on the way & quite a few cousins with kids. I bring this up because though right now I am not in a position to have / care for a baby of my own, I want to be a mother so much that being around kids puts me in a temporary "mental remission". It's like when I'm around kids, it makes me smile, gives me a purpose & makes me forget about the pain for awhile. Does anyone else have a love for something that makes them feel this way too? Can you do something that fills you with so much joy that any pain, sadness or depression seems to disappear even for a short time? Of course I tend to overdo things when I play with the kids, which makes me pay for it later, but it seems so worth it at the time! Lol. The SCS implant surgery will be really difficult for me because of the limitations I'll have, especially no lifting anything over 5 pounds. My second niece is due in January & I may not get to hold her for a few months. That breaks my heart! I just keep telling myself it will be worth it if the SCS works!
I've been around kids all of my life & want to be a mom I think more than anyone I know. Having CRPS & the idea of being pregnant / having little ones running around scares me terribly. I've heard some women have gone into remission during pregnancy, while others have struggled a lot. My PM doctor doesn't like prescribing opioids for pain & I am scared of what the pain would do to the baby as well as being high-stressed. I know it is possible to have a successful pregnancy, but having the pain in both legs already has me using a wheelchair sometimes. How hard would it be also having all of that extra weight too? The idea that my pain could contribute to a miscarriage, birth defects or the inability for me to care for a newborn is perhaps the scariest thing I've ever had to think about. I know it terrifies my husband too. It's not something we have to really think about just yet, but it still weighs on our minds. Hopefully God will make our journey as easy as possible when the time comes!
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